its so nice

first off i would like to say im still a little confused but far from what it used to be. ya'll should know what im talking about already. yup, the job conundrum. so, i found a blog yesterday, as i was researching and gathering some opinions on what to do and which way to go that cemented me a little more on the correct path. its still wet cement. able to make a dent or make tire tracks through it, im not permanent yet.

let me 'splain a little more. im confused about being a nurse because i can get that done fast and make enough money to move out of the basement in 18 months,and make enough money to sustain us while jay is finishing up school. buuuuuut i'll have to spend an absurd amount of money on it. oooooooor i can do something that i would love to do. im thinking about being a special education teacher. it makes my heart feel good and it feels more right than nursing. and there is a line in my patriarchal blessing that talks about being a teacher to people with special needs and disabilities. ive always thought about being a special ed. teacher but ive always been too afraid to admit it. i dunno why, im just dumb i guess. but now im starting to accept it and will possibly go forward with it.

special people used to make me feel "weird". i was afraid of them when i was little. i remember my mom taking us to valley fair mall to see a movie and there was always disabled people in wheel chairs that would come up to our table and drool or do something "special" and it used just un-nerve me to no end. i didnt know how to act around them or even what do with them. now ive grown up more and had many experiences with special people and have grown to love them. i can honestly say, if werent for being a mormon and hearing some theories and opinions about how special people are just angels on earth and how theyre being protected from the evils of this world has helped me learn to be patient and loving toward them. i mean, why wouldnt you want to be around someone that was so good in the preexistence that they get the special blessing of having a body and living on earth without temptation. special people, to me, feel as close to the veil as you can get.

i guess i would consider it a privilege to work with the special folk. but im more interested in kids with behavioral disorders and complicated neurosis. i know i cannot make it through an entire psychology degree to work specifically with those kids but i know i can get through a eaching degree and make an impact on some kids that way.

well would ya look at that. seems like i just convinced myself a little more to be a special ed teacher.

another thing that has stuck with me was the oportunity to find an "odd friend". my odd friends name is amy and she was in special ed in high school. i would surmise she qualified for special ed due to some learning delay and lack of social skills. she is a total weirdo. But i decided to be her friend anyway. alot of people didnt like her. its my opinion that they just didnt take the time to get to know her or try to understand her position in the world. i still love her and see her on occassion and she still waves that goofy(cute) wave whenever she sees me. she made a huge impact on me and has since helped me figure out a little more of my place in the world.