just have to get this off my chest. i hate going to relief society. it pretty much sucks the big one. and this is why....its gotten so "cliquey" and snooty. and the people in charge are totally oblivious to it. when we have homemaking its seriously just a waste of time. no one wants to put any effort into actually making the get-together, of sorts, any kind of worth while experience. i dont learn anything. now correct me if im wrong but i thought relief society was there to help me learn things and grow. whether it be spiritually or physically. when did we stop having homemakings that taught us things? when did it turn into social hour for the presidency. dont get me wrong, i love the women in the presidency.....individually. i wonder if they realize how they are just turning into a little clique.

i do feel a little insecure when it comes to this clique thing. but who doesnt? im a big girl and pull myself by my bootstraps and dont let my neurosis get to me. im not the only one who feels like this though, and thats the problem.

the other totally sucky thing is, the actual activities. theyre borring and dumb. lets learn something or figure out how to be better moms. lets have a gardening night or for heavens sake, help someone! why dont we start nurturing the women of our ward and build a strong and united front of mothers and friends. nope, we put on ridiculous skits and wear dumb hats to visit with eachother for an hour. so lame.

i dont think my feelings about homemaking are a secret. and i like to attend relief society on sundays. i just wish things werent being avertised on facebook for the entire relief society to see and make the other women in the ward that arent invited to these little get togethers feel bad. thats all. soap box done.

wheres my word for the year?

every year i pick a couple of words that embody either characteristics or traits that i would like to work on. some of the words in previous years have been things like "resolute" and "steadfast". but this year i have picked a phrase and a word. the phrase is, "be fearless" aaaaand the word is "vivacious".

le'me'splain. by being fearless i dont mean reckless or dumb. i mean to just get out there and do the things that i want to do but for some reason hold myself back from doing. now, back in the day going to Lagoon would be no biggie. but now i have some trepidation about it, cuz i dont want to be the fat person that has to get off the rollercoaster because i cant close the safety thingy. i know, that probaby wouldnt happen but in my present state of fatness, it might. so i am being fearless about getting into better shape a losing some weight sooooooo i can be vivacious. even more so than normal :)

i love the word vivacious. i feel that it is me. but i have gotten to the point that being truly vivacious has gotten hard and expensive. i feel like i have a ton of energy and that i can still hold onto my youth.....some way or another. driving a mini van isnt helping though. i feel like i just need to be even more fearless so i can be even more vivacious.