playing the waiting game

hello everyone,

well, im playing the waiting game with jay this week. he had a couple interviews for a pretty sweet job and now we're just waiting to hear back. I hate playing the waiting game for things like this. when your waiting in line for something fun, like going to a movie, its a good thing. But not for a job offer. its giving me some anxiety because i cant stand to see jay disappointed. hes been working so hard to get a better job but nothing has panned out yet. he took a job at walmart to get us through and he started school so he can get something better.
im so proud of him for being such a hard worker. i feel like hes had a couple disadvantages in his life. just a lack of information for the most part, like me, regarding the whole college thing. i know if he had a little more info on somethings he could have made something happen sooner.

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wow, im thanking the heavens right now! as i was typing the above piece of blog jay sent me a text. He got the job at Fairchild Semiconductor! It feels like the weight of the world has been lifted. like 50 bricks off my back :)
Finally! something is happening for him! What a blessing!................and theyre willing to pay 100% of an engineering degree!

Turkey day thanks!

Well, we went to Chuck-A-Rama on Thanksgiving! Can you believe that? Its ridiculous to not cook the bird and make all the side dishes and what not.
Ummmm nope, it was NOT ridiculous. It was kinda fun waiting in line for an hour and a half. it really was, im not being sarcastic. it was lovely not having people running around the kitchen trying to get everything done.

So here is my turkey day thankful list:

1-my beautiful children.....nuff said
2-my awesome hubby....love you jay!
3-food.....food is soooo yummy.......ive almost beat my hamburger problem btw
4-my wonderful immediate family, my dad especially.
5-wonderful things like poems and music and artsy-fartsy stuff

Sorry so short again. we'll get into some juicy stuff next time!

top 5 fave songs and thought on 29

top 5 favorite songs......ev.er.


starting with the bottom..............

#5-Shes a brick by Ben Folds 5.....mmmm love this song, it got me through some of the dark cloud days.

#4-I wanna grow old with you by Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer.........its so awesome and it was on my wedding cd to jay on the day we got married.

#3-Shenendoah. its just beautiful! and a real piece of art....in my opinion.

#2-Goin Where The Wind Blows by Mr. Big. i love his raspy voice and it reminds me of a great time in my life.

#1- Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppellin. I lovvvvvve this song and it will always be #1! some of the others in my top 5 may vary and change but this one is the best! I love it musically and poetically. My very favorite part is the first key change at the ending of the intro! mmmmm, its great! give it a listen.


And a notable mention goes to Dave Matthews band. I love him and his songs. Some DMB songs interchange themselves in and out of the top 5. Im a big lover of music but Im starting to feel like all the new music is just noise. must be my old age.

Can we talk about being 29 years old? Well, we are now. Being 29 is a little weird. I never thought i would ever get this old until it happened. I feel a little loser-ish 'cause a 29 year old should have a good career. I dont. My "lackee" job is just driving me nuts and something must be done about this! although, i feel like the rest of my life is on par. I have 3 beautiful children and a wonderful husband. Our "situation"(living in the basement) is slowly getting better. Its taking alot longer than i thought though. Sucks to be a basement dweller again. frowny face!
So, in my old age i have learned a few things. New music now sounds like cats drowning. Things like family and good "real" friends matter and the "leeches, who are side vamps" must go. Its not worth it to keep dumb people that dont care about you around yourself. And taco roll ups are tasty!
The ripe old age of 29 is pretty awesome! im way more confident in myself and much more positive. even though it may not look like ive made a huge amount of progress monetarily, i have all that matters to me. I count my blessing everyday and hope to be WAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY old! i'll bet when im 99 years old i'll say the same thing: "i never thought i would be this old".

29 is awesome!

crusty pavement

amazing day
the pavement crusted in white
slipping, sliding
running down the rail

i wish for new things
to lay exposed to my words
let them pierce someone
slide into their brain

mmm, sprinkling lights
twinkling from the skies
permeating
icing over my world.


Sometimes the earth is so beautiful. I love watching it snow out the window. I wish I could just sit and write all day and have my words change people. I wish people would be as moved by me just by simply reading a quote. I have words jamming up my brain all the time and its not a bad thing, not really.....most of the time. I am very inspired by poetry and hand written sentiments. Maybe I have some sort of disorder that makes me over empathise with people. Usually when i read a blog or something thats expressing hurt or something along those lines i immediately want to reach out to that person and make them feel better. I intellectually know thats a little weird and unrealistic. But my heart is hurting for my friend right now after reading her honest and authentic words. I hope she feels better soon.

request for a blog update :)

goooood morning fellow blogging buddies!

well, i have recieved a request via fb for a blog update.... First off, sorry for being so random in this last years updates, it was a roler coaster year.

Anywho, todays topic.... "The Conundrum". I have many conundrums in my life. Shall we list them? We shall. 1st conundrum, its a doozie, my cute little family lives in my moms basement. This is terrrrrrrrrible because I have been a home owner, as in actual mortgage on a property. Allbeit, a crap shack, but it was mine and i could live in it as i chose. Living in moms basement has its advantages and drawbacks. I will ellaborate on this particular conundrum in following posts.....they deserve a post all to themself.

2nd conundrum, what to do with my "poopy" job?....pun intended. As many of you know, i am not yet a nurse......or maybe never will be. Heres the problem, i have been quoted well over $20 an hour to start once i get my RN. Buuuuuuuuut, i believe you should be a nurse only if you want to and cant do anything else. its an emotional job and patients deserve people that want to be there with them. now i know thats not entirely realistic. I love to be with my patients but they are starting to annoy me rather than joy me(ha! i crack myself up!) I DO love my job but having to work every single christmas because my boss is nuts is really wearing on me. Yes, i could find a new place to work but do i really want to do this forever? Let me explain, nowhere in nursing school do they tell you that you will be judged by your patients everyday and then given a survey about you. Here at lovely Pioneer Valley, we have a "customer service lady" that pops into our patients rooms everyday and asks them "do you like your nurse?" What if theyre mad at you because the very sight of you is making them hurt? or the lotion you just put on(unscented btw) is making them nauseous, or the doctor isnt giving them the pain medication they want and the nurse is always the scapegoat. Not to mention exposing yourself to highly infections organisms on a daily basis, and the never ending 14 hour shift, working on holidays and weekends, and being up to your elbows in poop(that is very true). Yup, lots of crap that comes from this job........but also alot of good.
So, Aerial, what is the conundrum you say? Do i take a job thats going to quite literally take me away from my family for the next 18 months for school to get payed(to get out of moms basement)? or do i go to school to be a teacher?

Questions and conundrums. what to do, what to do? When i figure this out i'll let you all know. just remember, despite all the poop and political crap I love my job. Dang it, i think i might go to nursing school. ugh!

sooooo, i havent blogged regularly in about a year. and it was a good break. some things just had to give and unfortunately it was the blog.....and i dont work graveyards anymore so theres not alot of down time to fill.
 anywho, nothings new. just the usual quirks have remained intact. The brain tumor is not there. the last mri didnt show anything. whew!

Still going through the motions... trying to decide whether or not i should finish my nursing degree or go to school to be a teacher. any comments or feedback on which would be a better choice are deffinately welcome. thats about the only thing that my brain spins about anymore. I guess its a good thing.

thats about it for the day.

im not dead

well, its been a while since ive written on this blog. i needed some time to clear my head and not make all my neurotic ways public.
nothing much has happened since my last post. we moved from our old house and into moms basement. its been ok but certainly has been a weird and different experience.  Kelty started school, kindergarten to be specific. she loves school and is doing well. The school wont let herplay on the playground due to the tumor thing. But everything is good with her for the moment...........(more to come about that at the end of this post)

My baby Gage is doing ok too. He seems to be disinterested in school right now but no bullying issues thus yet. He seems to be happier, but i do wonder if he has some depression. Matt has severe clinical depression and it seems to be hereditary and im terrified gage has it. But his general outlook is good. Hes getting so big and so mature. If you can say that about an 8 and half year old.

Edynn is a challenge....and so wonderful. I miss her today while im at work. Shes soooo noisy and yells constantly! I never knew a baby could be so demanding! She has such a sweet little smile and just popped out her 2nd tooth.

so, as with any other blog post for the last 3 years it begins and ends with my therapy. im happy that this blog serves as my therapy for dealing with a child with a brain tumor. I dont know what to say other than all those old crazy, anxiety riddled feelings are coming back. We have an MRI scheduled for next monday and im getting worried. I didnt even think about it until today. And now i feel like the flood gates are opening. I wont write too muvh in detail other than.........this sucks and I feel like crying.