i feel defeated by nursing. i feel like it has me in its grasp and this nursing bug is going to make me a nurse because its the only thing in know how to do. i would like to have a job thats lets me live my own life. for example, not being so dog tired at the end of my shift to even deal with my kids at home. i would like to be able to know that im not going to have to interrupt christmas every year so i can go to work. i would LOVE to have a saturday off without having to have a serious tantrum to my boss. i absolutely hate the masses in generals attitude. old people talk about younger people being so entitled.....puhhhhlease! almost all the old people i come across at work are entitled simply because theyre old. gah, im starting to hate oldy moldies!

buuuuut, i also love this job. when its good its reallllllllly good!......and vice versa. i think im just burned out on this floor. i need a change. i want to go to nursing school but now im afraid. i would like to go to SLCC so i dont have to pay an arm and a leg to just get through it, and kindof shoot myself in the foot by going to a trade school. its just so hard and time consuming. i want to get the "good" degree but SLCC makes it almost impossible to even get into the program now.

there are so many things to complain about when it comes to this job. i guess i just dont like this floor. its the most demanding place to work in the hospital. and ive ranted and raved and stated that im never going to be a nurse and im going to do something else with better hours and less personal sacrifice. i really would love to just have an office job but i feel like its never going to compare to this. i love having 4 days off every week and getting good pay for the actual work i do. nursing also lends alot of flexibility(if youre willing to complain and cry to your boss:) i really do love it.

if i go to a trade school for nursing its going to cost about 55,000 dollars. whaaaaaaaat! thats crazy! i kow it is. im willing to do it though. if i went to ameritech i cold be done in 18 months and on the floor working as an RN. is the short amount of time worth the extra 40k? i dont know. probly not because it would disqualify, for lack of a better term, any graduate school education. i dont think i want to be a NP but i still would like to know that i could have the opportunity if i wanted to.

geez, i always complain about the same things huh. yup, its a pain. if you have to read about it imagine living it. sucks to be me sometimes. but my job can be incredibly...at times :)

my wonderful co-worker had a brilliant idea! i was talking to her about going back to school and what a struggle it will be and blah blah blah, school sucks kinda thing. shes in the same position as me. she has kids and is locked into her work schedule and some other things too, of course. anywho, she said "im not going to school to be a nurse 'cause they are just slaves and pooper scoopers. so im waiting until my youngest is in school. i only have 2 years to wait and then i can do what i want instead of doing 'this'".

wait, what?! that was a fresh perspective to me. i only have 3 years to wait and then baby cheetoh will be in school. k so, im not going to waste these 3 years. i at least want to start on generals again.....ugh again. shoot me please! oh well, this has to be done. the only bad thing is........to do what i want to do i would have to get a ph.d. yikes! its so daunting! but i did find out that 2 of the colleges offer the full ph.d program i want to do.

oh my, what am i doing? im just going to do something enjoyable.